Tag Archives: nails

Mani Pedi.

7 Aug

I woke up with a hankering for a mani pedi.

My first instinct, was blahhhhhhh, stupid drain, nothing in my closet fits and, oh yeah, OneBoob. How do I disguise that?  I can’t wear a falsie yet, and I do, in fact, look very lopsided.  Socks?  Tissues? A scarf?  Ah well, perhaps I will get a mani pedi another day.

Then I came to my senses. Why do I need to disguise?  Ok, the drain I get because that’s just gross, but the OneBoob? What better way to raise awareness than by rocking it singular style?  And Hell-to-the-O, I want my nails done.  I am woman, hear me roar.

This sounds good in theory. But, truth, I needed a little back-up in the form of a gal pal. My roar was more of a meow with an attitude. Who do I know that’s up for this?  It took me about a nano-second to yell “Holly 001!” To which my son yelled, “I am a big tomato!” (I have no explanation for this.)

Left to her druthers, Holly would swagger into the nail place with a “What’s up, my BITCHES! Boss here has OneBoob. Anyone got a problem with this? Anyone want to stare? No. I didn’t think so.”  And with this, I would be shown to a perfect pedi chair decked in pink and diamonds.  I am a OneBoob Princess.

So Holly didn’t have to do that, but just knowing that she totally would have made me hold my head up high. Truth is, I don’t think anyone even noticed.  1 trip out in public down, 1 million more to go.

Holly, the more sensible, went with the standard buff & manicure.  Not me, I went for the bright red shellac, which has to be removed with a blow torch.  Shallac has to be dried in this weird hand machine, and as I’m sitting there, I look at the machine.  It says UV all over it.  UV??

Dudes!  UV! I am sitting with my hands basking in a freaking Cancer Box!  I alerted Holly to this madness, and we joked that perhaps we should go tanning and smoke a few ciggies when we were done.  GOOD GRIEF.  I’m worried about looking goofy with OneBoob so I let my hands simmer in a little Insta-Skin-Cancer.  Duh. Sometimes I amaze myself.

All in all, a fine day.  Thanks Holly.  You’re a big tomato.